"I was an hungered and ye gave me meat"

Many of us in the world have seen panhandlers, beggars, and others whom we generally describe as homeless in our day to day lives. They seem to be a ubiquitous part of big cities and come in all descriptions. I have seen homeless people in the US though more prominently here in Utah where I have called home for almost twenty five years of my life as well as in Russia which was my adopted home for almost two years. One common thread wove through those who genuinely needed help and that was that they had fallen so far as to have little to no control over their lives  and lived from day to day, minute to minute, being buffeted back and forth by the winds and waves that make up the storm of their lives. Some even die under those colossal storm ravaged skies.
Here in the US, I would say about half of the homeless were under the ravages of substance abuse and I categorize, alcohol, tobacco and drugs all as substance abuse. If money given in handouts and assistance is converted to these substances instead of food, clothing or shelter, then these are the ones I speak of. In Russia drugs were very uncommon. There tobacco was cheap and alcohol, usually vodka or beer was a staple of purchases among the homeless and usually if you saw someone homeless, they were drunk as well, particularly in the winter. It was sad when someone would be drunk in winter to stave off the cold and they would pass out, only to be buried in the heavy snow, not to be seen again until spring. Horrifying, yes. it was however, the reality there and for many it was a slippery slope to that condition.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the LDS Church or the Mormon church generally discourages its members from giving handouts to those who are panhandling or begging as it promotes that kind of activity and does nothing to help those who suffer from chronic homelessness from improving their lives and becoming a true functional member of society. I see the panhandlers in many places, most recently along freeways and parking lot exits. On occasion I would see someone truly homeless and my heart wishes to reach out to them and help them help themselves. An occurrence like that happened tonight though, to my wife's credit, she spotted him and moved first.
We had gone to an inexpensive local diner, Village Inn by name.Great tasting simple fare with a marketing centered on their pies. We wanted to eat out tonight and though we had eaten out more lately, probably more than we should, it was her desire and I wasn't going to object.
We had worked our way through most of our meal and were only a few minutes from leaving when a heavily coated man came in with a long gray beard and dark hair came shuffling in. He reeked of tobacco and had dark skin though with Caucasian features. He was so dirty and unkempt he could have been Hispanic, White, American Indian or any mixture by race and looked between 35 and 65 years old. Honestly, I could believe any of those ages or races. His voice was very familiar to me though until now I couldn't place it. I knew the man was not the gentle elderly man he sounded like but he had a gentle calming effect, almost like a friend just wanting a bit of help.
Initially we just watched him and the waitress asked him what he would like. He asked for coffee and she went to get it for him. As she was in the kitchen, he began picking up bits of food off of the floor, under and around tables and really anywhere he could spot. This really caught my wife's attention and I really couldn't see him as she was facing where he was working and I was not. She started describing in a hushed tone what he was doing and we were trying to decide if he was scrounging for crumbs to wash down with the coffee or whether he was doing a simple "chore" in exchange for food. He seemed quite thorough and I could believe either. As she came out, though, he asked the price of the coffee and she replied $2.19 which seemed exorbitant, except they serve coffee by the pot. He asked for a to-go cup of coffee instead and she said OK but it would still be the same price. Not knowing the price, it seemed clear, he was not working there for a handout and though she was courteous, she was probably restricted in what she could do so as to not encourage a flood of people into the restaurant if word got out.
This pretty well decided the matter for my sweet wife. She whispered, half asking, half-telling me she wanted to get him something, like a sandwich. She stood up looking to me for assent, which I promptly gave. She seemed clearly moved and under the direction of the spirit. He seemed to be giving up as the coffee was more than he had, so he was headed for the door. She stopped him and offered to buy him a sandwich. he shuffled back, sounding quite confused. I had taken over on feeding our baby which she had been doing prior to this. She took the menu from the waitress and opened it before him. She basically opened the whole menu to this choosing which had me initially concerned. if he was faking his slow-wittedness, which seemed genuine, he could easily take advantage of the situation and either order a lot or order expensive. However, either due to being slow or the lack of the ability to read, she just prompted a few items to him including breakfast platters, sandwiches and hamburgers. he perked a bit at hamburger and s asked for that. She looked over the selection and suggested a cheeseburger. He agreed and so she ordered a double cheeseburger with fries for him. He sat down and waited a bit for his meal. My dear wife, then ordered a pie for us to take home to the kids and then went to wash her hands. He was that dirty! Coming back a few minutes later we waited a bit for me to finish my meal and then stood to pay and leave.
As we approached the counter to pay, the waitress came out with his meal and he said, "What kind of hamburger is that?" He didn't sound angry, but stunned. She said it was a double cheeseburger and he replied again, "How come it was so BIG?" She replied that they came that big. he then commented on the downhill slide of his surprise that he would not be able to finish the fries. My sweetheart smiled overhearing that and the waitress telling him he could take the rest that he didn't eat to a friend or to eat later. We both chuckled lightly at that and finished paying for our meal.
As we pulled through the parking lot, we passed the window where he was eating. Granted a hamburger is not the most nutritious of meals but it was one which would fill him up and hopefully put a glint of light in his eye. He was eating well and seemed generally astonished about the portion given him. It was as we were passing him that my companion mentioned a part I had missed. She had heard him ask where the garbage cans were and the waitress' reply that they had a dumpster in the back. Initially I think we had thought that he was asking where to put the bits of food he picked up but after our experience we both decided he was looking for more food than the meager handful of crumbs! we decided he had intended to go and root around in the dumpster like a dog! That was the icing on the cake for my sweetheart in that we gave him a respectable meal to eat as a person and not a dog. He was, in her eyes, in our eyes a son of God, made in the image of the Father and though deeply tormented by his life's condition, for one night, could eat well and move on to a tomorrow, a little less hungry.
We have been commanded to be far less judgmental than our natural inclination would have us be and be much more compassionate. I felt, as I am sure my wife did, the bowels of mercy of the Lord yearning to help this man. My wife, answered his call given through the promptings of the spirit, to give that compassion to him. It brings to mind Matthew chapter 25 verses 35-40 which in part read, "I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat, i was thirsty and ye gave me drink... Then shall the King answer and say, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." Despite this experience, I likely won't be a nickel's more generous to panhandlers or beggars waiting for a handout. However, it has given me opportunity to better recognize the promptings of the spirit when he really does want me to reach farther and dig deeper to help someone, even if it is for simply a bit of meat. 

Disney's "Frozen" and Love

I have seen a number of e-mails and articles talking about the relationship between Elsa and Anna, the princesses in Disney's latest princess movie, "Frozen". Their relationship as well as the relationship between Sven and Christoph as well as Prince Hans' lack of genuine interest in either princess is seen by some as a drastic departure from the classic boy meets girl portrayal of true love. Others call it a direct assault on it and open support for a homosexual agenda. I don't know who those people areas I have never met them. I also know nothing about Disney's motives or business or social strategies. With that in mind I would call this a perspective from one who between the parties has no agenda in either camp and so, all things being equal, I want to express what I felt in watching the movie.
First I want to talk about each of the characters in isolation:

Anna, the younger of the princesses is a sister who as a child, loves her sister who is not only a playmate but one who she looks up to as a source of good. She gravitates to Elsa and even after her memory of Elsa's magical abilities is wiped from her memory, her love remains. She is confused by her isolation from the family and being very young gives her sister the benefit of the doubt. They are both well loved as they grow though they don't cross paths. Bitterness is not part of their existence and so the love persists in hopes of a day where they can be rejoined. She is otherwise a normal, somewhat scatterbrained young woman.
Elsa, is much like her sister except being older feels a sense of responsibility for Anna in not only keeping her happy but protecting her from injury. It is a good motive and when they play at night using her powers, her reticence isn't out of blatant disregard for what she is sure her parents would not approve, but she is torn between the rules, protecting her sister, and sharing what she saw as a loving use of her powers -- making her sister happy. She injures Anna and though the damage is minimal, she decides protecting her sister and family is more important to her so she sacrifices their relationship for the sake of that protection. She grows up alone, more isolated than anyone in that entire castle. As sad as I was to see Anna grow up, shut out by her sister, tome it was even sadder to see Elsa virtually imprisoned by her own powers, locked away and shut away so that everyone else's life can be normal. it is truly heartbreaking indeed.
Christoph and Sven. At points it seems these two share a brain. They are truly a fun pair to watch while many masculine stereotypes are stretched to the breaking point we can't forget that this is a fictional story and as fiction, some won't be realistic. Being a working man, he like a lot of young men in reality, was focused on his work and "paying off the car" per se. It never said what happened to his family that we see him with in the beginning of the film, nor does it say whether or not he had any ongoing relationships with any relatives or friends. He does not seem to be acquainted with any of the people we see in the film other than the rock trolls so it is likely he himself is from elsewhere and like a lot of merchants is here in the kingdom on business. It being business, his focus is not and has not been on love or romance at all. As far as Sven, he is a metaphor for a best pal. I really just saw a big, loving, slobbery dog cast in a different role. That is called creativity.
Prince Hans is the most complex construct in the whole film. Honestly until his treachery became apparent, I could not see where his character was going. It was obvious to me early on that Anna and Christoph were going to be together by the end but Hans was an enigma. We get an inkling when he mentions he is the last of thirteen brothers. Like the youngest in any crowd he always gets the scraps and though he covers the resentment well, he seems to have just determined to get what he wants elsewhere. That is not a bad motivation, he just went about it wrong. As a prince, he was still eligible to be a king somewhere in the European tradition. By this point he seemed to go to the kingdom determined to do anything to gain the kingdom. In his own way he had become an Ebenezer Scrooge, not loving anyone really. He wanted money, power, and a kingdom of his own. If he was willing to put a face on to enchant the heart of a princess, so let it be. Therein lies his corruption. Still a man, and still one who would do good. Just all for the wrong reasons.
The dynamics of the relationships between the characters changes but the cores of each of their lives remain the same. Queen Elsa, now, is more imprisoned in her own heart than ever. Not incapable of love, but just too afraid to let anyone get close because, if too close they could be hurt. She is still sacrificing her life for the sake of others. Anna and Prince Hans do have compatible personalities as they do connect, however falsely on Hans' part. That cannot be easily faked. They do connect but his heart is after something else. Christoph and Sven are a boy and his dog as explained before. Christoph and Anna initially don't connect but later on as their challenges and difficulties draw them together, they do begin to connect. His need for companionship is filled by her awkward way of relating to people. Her need to find someone who clicks with her is filled by an unexpected source. Not exactly a knight in shining armor, he does still come to save her with what little he has. it proves to be enough.
Ultimately the relationship under attack by others is Anna and Elsa's. A story that does not end in a wedding cannot be a natural one and is therefore suspect in the minds of many. Those who attack such a story don't realize what they are seeing. They are not seeing the story of how Anna and Christoph fall in love and get married. The ingredients for such a story appear late in this one but are not realized in this one. That does not mean they won't either. In fact just before the final scene, Anna presents Christoph with a sled and a kiss does happen. A kiss of true love. Not over an altar, but the beginning of love, not the climax of it. It promises the possibility of the future for them.
Elsa, is in mortal danger from Prince Hans, something Anna does not realize until the storm subsides and Anna sees she has a choice to make. Run and embrace Christoph for whom she is final realizing her love, or use her last remaining strength to save her sister's life. A hug or the ultimate sacrifice. I think she chose well. in the bible it says that greater love hath no one, but that he layeth down his life for his friends. (paraphrased) She loved her sister, and she could not bear to see her sister killed. She had wanted to save her sister from her imprisonment since she was a child and she had only recently learned what Elsa was a prisoner of. She would rather have her sister than a normal life and now she would rather give her life for her sister. That is pure love and there is nothing homosexual about it.
Anna, and Hans have a budding romance in the end. Prince Hans is heading home for the biggest brother-given time out he'll ever get. Sven is Sven, the slobbering dog, Olaf, who has been the comic relief and an outgrowth of Anna and Elsa in one package. He is the understanding for each other that the sisters lacked in themselves. Elsa has finally discovered what true control of her powers mean and how she can balance the cold with the warm. She hasn't had time to fall in love with anyone yet. She and Anna have some healing to do after so many years apart. Let time do the healing and let love take its course for Anna and Christoph as well as Elsa.

 

A Sense of Accomplishment in Work

Work has an appeal to some people. Yes, people, not Martians. Work that is good, honest, productive labor moves a need forward, accomplishes tasks rolls back the entropy that is our lives. Many see it as something to avoid, but there are some who, despite modern stereotypes, work hard and work smart for the sake of making their lives, and the lives of those around them better. 

There are many jobs that fit in this category and all are honorable in their own right. I appreciate the job well done of ditch diggers, school teachers, policemen, iron workers, scientists, restaurant workers and so many more. Because of the work they do, my life is a little easier. I am just as grateful to the doctor who gives me my checkup as I am to the restaurant server who brings me a well cooked meal.

Why do so many of us sneer at work? Why do so many of us dread the "Monday Morning Melee?" Why do so many of us, no matter what we do find the "honest day's work" as a necessary evil?

Growing up, I had a father who for the lion’s share of his career worked in heavy industry from steel/iron foundries to fabrication shops usually as a welder or fitter. He has work that we see in railroad cars, bridge girders, even in a few structural components in buildings. I remember him coming home as filthy as a coal miner, even to the point where we got him his own washing machine so as to reduce the risk to our own regular clothes. He would walk in the door haggard and exhausted, drop off his gear, and head straight for the shower. As he worked swing shift for much of the time in my memory, he would often be heading straight for bed. The following morning, we would be up and gone to school before he was up and he would be gone. He had been in college in the early 1970's but had to quit to support his budding family. Never having gone back, his jobs hardly ever rose beyond basic subsistence living. Now retired, his physical strength needed for such work has left him and he has become his father, the older man, still able, but a tired, worn out piece of leather  that had seen too many years in an industry he didn't care for but felt he could not escape. 

There are many stories like the one of my father and many more with more difficult end stories. I often hear about people who work two full time jobs and that is just to make ends meet. There is no time to be a father, mother, neighbor, friend, husband, or wife. Work has become the necessary evil in our lives as I had described. So where is this sense of accomplishment? 

First, and I say this knowing this means an enormous change for many people, you need to do something you love to do. This is a hard sell to a lot of people because many instantly think of their favorite NBA star or Actor. Others even think of the Great American Novel they want to write. I classify all of these in the list of worthy professions above but well beyond the reach of a lot of us. This is not to say they are impossible but more about a generality that does not actually answer the thing we love. For example, just because we can't make basketball our profession, doesn't mean we can't schedule some time to shoot some hoops. Just because we can't drop everything and become the next Tom Cruise doesn't mean a foray into community theatre is impossible. And the great American Novel should never be solely about getting something published. It should be about expressing ones imagination in writing and putting it out for the precious few who surround us every day to enjoy. In this age of the internet, we can share all kinds of talents with the world and much of that sharing is through free channels. This blog is one. When we can enjoy these things we feel a sense of accomplishment and life is a little more enjoyable. 

Second, We often look at the work we have to do in life and it seems daunting. When we feel like we are "Under the Mountain" we struggle to find enjoyment in what we do, even if it is something we like. There is an old saying for this. "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." 

We look at our jobs and if we look close enough most big jobs are really a collection of smaller, easier tasks. When viewed as a whole it is overwhelming at times. But when broken down into its constituent parts, it becomes more manageable and we begin to eat the elephant. 

For example, with housework, particularly our living room, it doesn't take long before it looks like it has been turned over by burglars. The couch becomes a clothes horse, the piano a book rack, and the floor seems to be the best place in my kids minds for their backpacks and jackets. Many of these things can be taken care of by recalling the offenders to the room to rectify the situation but honestly, much of the mess is just everyday use, not really negligence. Instead of looking at the whole room, start with a piece of furniture, I like the piano as it is a good starting place that I can remember. Start a stopwatch as you begin. You'll see why later. Clean it up, dust it, etc. Get the first piece done. Most should take just seconds to minutes. Now move to the next piece of furniture. Do the same, and the next, and the next. Then divide up the room in logical sections and pick up the items on the floor. Be sure to check the little hiding places, under cushions, behind armchairs etc. Before you know it the room is already looking pretty good. Now gravity works still so next you will want to dust or wipe things down that, as items and dirt go astray, they hit the floor. Clean from high to low. Saves time. Last sweep and mop or vacuum as appropriate. Here is the kicker. Check the stopwatch. Chances are, you will be surprised at what you see there. Feel that good feeling. That is accomplishment. 

At regular intervals, for me it is usually Saturday, go a little deeper and move the couches, vacuum the cushions, clean the couch covers, throws, pillows etc. vacuum blinds and wash windows. It will take a little longer but it takes care of details. 

Now, this same method can apply to many tasks. Break it down. Time yourself. Plow into it, piece by piece, step by step. 

Last, One problem everyone has when we look at our day and the finite resources we have, particularly time, is we work to get work done and then once the boss is gone, we slide into our own agenda. Solitaire comes up on the computer or Facebook comes up. Taking time for one self is not bad. The problem is that sometimes we look up and realize three hours had gone by and we are still on the same level of our game! We have accomplished nothing. We meant to take just a short break to let our brain rest, or at least shift gears but then time gets away from us. Lack of planning is the cause in the beginning but eventually it becomes an avoidance tactic. It moves from an innocent break to a selfish indulgence. All of us are guilty of it. For one it is movies, for another it is games. A break is good, but a daily vacation is not. So what do we do?

Return the break to a break by description. Start out the day working and doing. Then at a set time, deliberately stop and take a break. get up and stretch and walk around a bit. Play ONE round of your addictive game. Then, back to work. Be sure the breaks are at scheduled times or good stopping points in the work. After the break, get right back into work and keep going. At the next break do something different. For instance, if you played a game on your phone for part of it, this time send an encouraging test to a special friend or a post on Facebook. Just one. 

At the end of every break, review what you have done. Write down a list of the things you get done. As you go through our day, you will be amazed how much you can actually get done. Look at the list at the end. Feel that feeling? That is accomplishment again. feels good, doesn't it? 

As time goes on, change up what you do and how you do it. If you have certain tasks you always do, trade up with some one. it keeps things interesting, especially watching someone else learn your task. Where appropriate, race someone on a task. it adds an element of competition to the task. Keep it friendly. 

Work was never meant to be a drudgery. It was meant to be a tool to teach us skills, get things done and taken care of and most importantly be an outward expression of who we are and what we wish to add to this life. Some may even say it is one way of saying to those we surround ourselves with, that we love them and wish to make their lives easier, more pleasant, and more enjoyable. That is a great accomplishment.

 

Kids and grades

My kids have had a love hate relationship with homework for a long time. They love to hate it. Honestly so did I but I understood it to be a necessary evil that comes with school. Like anything you want or need to be good at, practice is necessary and schoolwork is no exception. Homework is intended to be a minimum workload for practice and for those who need extra help, extra practice is always good.  However, a couple of my kids have taken the "let's ignore the problem and maybe it will go away" approach. Well tonight it has come back to bite them in the butt.

A couple of weeks ago we had "Parent-Teacher" conferences as they were called when I was a kid. now they are called SEP's or Student Educator Planning meetings which to me is a bit of an irony. The one clear thing that comes out of these meetings is the lack of a plan. I left the "SEP's" on a chocolate-fueled (PTA fundraiser) mini rant with a couple of them and instructions to them to get their missing assignments turned in. Yes the missing assignments monster reared its ugly head. I gave instructions and received a grudging commitment from each of them that the missing assignments would be cleared up and I left it at that. I have followed up with my kids a few times since then and got less intelligible answers than most politicians would give. Talk about non-committal! If only they had a class in that. My kids would be acing that one!
Grandma even pitched in to help the one that was struggling the most by offering a gift card with a modest sum as an encouragement to get the assignments turned in. I had high hopes and backed off of them to see what would happen.
Well I got as much of a reaction as I did trying to get Water and oil to blend. NOTHING! I finally was able to access the district grade book site tonight and the results were basically that nothing had been turned in. In fact looking closer at the details I saw that much that was turned in had poor grades as well as some tests. So I guess the mini-rant and then backing off the pressure didn't really do the trick. I grounded three of them to their rooms where they will stay in friendless, TV-less, computerless, phonesless, lifeless stupor until the site and/or teacher tells me otherwise.
Y'Know, there are times I really hate school!

 

Doing a Betterest Job

Lately the last scripture in the Sermon on the Mount has been going through my mind, roughly paraphrased is this: Be ye therefore perfect, even as my Father in Heaven is perfect.
I am NOT perfect. I make mistakes all the time. I offend people, I misunderstand. I make bad choices. it is not for lack of trying, it isn't even due just to my imperfect nature. Life is hard and at times, we are often deceived into making the wrong choices. The hardest thing to overcome for me is apathy. Apathy is a killer, both physically and spiritually. I have heard it said by many people in my life that the shortest road to hell is for good men to do nothing. Doing nothing is exactly what Satan would have us do to seal us his. There are other contexts for this phrase but it can also stand alone and be applicable for my purposes here.
God is constantly in motion, doing, and blessing as He sees fit but also as we ask Him. His actions are active and well planned to bring us closer to Him. it is one of the greatest ironies that to fail due to apathy takes effort. Effort to avoid doing good things. Effort to avoid those who would bless our lives. However, it is His spirit that seeks us out as a shepherd after his lost sheep beckoning us to return to Him.
I have been one of those lost sheep many times. Nothing serious mind you but there are times where I have drifted a little ways away and he tries to pull me back. With great effort and fortitude I have returned often. I try to do well and serve others in my life and am moreso focused on it now than I have ever been. Time is a limiting factor as is my physical capacity so I have to often make hard decisions. Elder Dallin Oaks talk on "Good, Better, Best" applies here. My life is always swamped in good things I could choose to do, well more than I could accomplish in my typical day. Better things are a step up but often many of those are impractical. The best things are the realm of the gods and prophets. I know there are many great things I can do but I don't know if I can ever make it to the best things.
The Lord's commandment still applies here, "Be ye therefore perfect..."So I have coined a new word to describe the harmony in both of these. Betterest. To do ones betterest means to do the best we can even if it was not perfect and not give in to the easier ways that are merely good. It does also acknowledge that we could rarely if ever "be perfect" at this stage. It means do all you can and if we fall a little short, it does not mean we failed. It just means we still have room to grow. Betterest blends the ideas of doing ones best job and being content with what was achieved. It is balanced by a healthy appreciation for failure and how to try again. it is a better task waiting to bloom forward as a perfect job. So to each of you I commend you to do the betterest job you can.