I sometimes wonder what God muses about in his "spare time" when His thoughts drift to His children. I daydream often about my children especially at work which quite often pulls me off my game. Despite this I would say it is time well spent and I think that God would think so too.
Samuel, my oldest just turned eight years old a month ago tomorrow. Those familiar with the LDS faith know that baptism in our church does not happen till age 8. Before then they are saved by grace and baptism is not required of them. They go to heaven where they become heirs to all of the blessings of God there. I take comfort in this considering I have three siblings who all died as infants and while there would be many who would say they are in hell because they were not baptized, I look at each of my children from Samuel down to my 3 week old son John and wonder how a loving merciful God could consign such beings to Hell? I do not believe He does and I take comfort in it.
Rachel my oldest daughter is always quite bubbly and light-hearted. She loves so much and is always willing to share the tiniest bit of information like it is the best thing ever. She is best friends with her sisters and together they get into all kinds of trouble. Alone, she is learning a lot and I really see a brilliant light in her eyes, a light that will not easily be extinguished.
Bethany, Rachel's usual partner in crime is a bundle of sunshine herself. She is starting to get a taste of some of the struggles he will face in life but her happiness will always rise to the top when she lets her concerns go and lives in the moment, for today and places her worries behind her. She is a unique spirit and the one that I think I identify with the most of my children.
Adrianne is one of the smartest most wry little firecrackers I have seen. She has a bit of Fred and George Weasly in her and I am seeing more and more of it all of the time. She hasn't figured out the safety doorknob cover on her bedroom door yet and she is potty training. A potentially hazardous situation but one which I am sure will present new challenges when she figures out that doorknob. For now she just lays down by the door and cries dolefully under the crack in the door till my heart melts enough to go and get her.
Megan is still in that transition phase between baby and toddler. She has Adrianne as her mentor to look up to and learn all kinds of little shenanigans. She is loving to the core and seems more inclined to hug you than tweak your nose. She used to hate being out to bed by me but we have worked out a little routine and she lays right down for me now so I can place a blanket on her. She looks like she is trying to be a good girl but more often than not she is the one I lock cabinets, doors and the refrigerator door for. A darling little troublemaker.
John my newest has reminded me so much of what it was to be the father of a new child for the first time all over again. With him I have gone full circle and again we are raising a baby boy with dark hair and big blue eyes. He like his brother before him has already made his first visit to the hospital and like Samuel had to have a spinal tap done to check for meningitis. The difference is that I am home alone with the other five kids and my darling wife and my beautiful baby boy are alone in the hospital again. I cannot be there to comfort either of them nor hold either of them in a way that I would like to. My arms feel empty now and long to hold my son again. I certainly hope his residency there tonight and tomorrow is not the beginning of a downward slope of problems that will give new meaning to the words "My arms feel empty" Despite my feeling and knowledge that he would go home to his Father in Heaven should he depart this life early, I am selfish that I want my children to all grow up, marry and have families of their own. I am meant to die before my children and ideally with my wife on the same night in our sleep well into our latest years. I keep thinking that I could not die right now, I am too busy doing good things. Each day as I see them approach me, I am reminded what those good thing are.
I am proud to be a father, a parent, a husband, and a child of Him who sent me here. I could never thank Him enough for what he has given me.
