Forever Strong

I saw the movie "Forever Strong" rater late in its popularity. It was only a few months ago but ever since then I have dwelled on the lessons it teaches. I bought a copy not long after seeing it and we watched it together as a family for Family Home Evening. I think the message was mostly lost on the kids who wasn't interested in anything that wasn't animated. Samuel picked up a few things but it didn't last long. I didn't expect it to, but I am hoping to see some of those lessons to sink in over time.
I watched it again twice yesterday and though I wouldn't say I learned any new principles, I did gain an ewer resolve to do better in my own life. There are a lot of things I just mess with and don't really focus on to see it through and stick with it. I have so many little things and several big things I need to do and I am never really sure how I am going to execute things. Unfortunately I tend to manage my life by crisis and my energy is focused on the things (or person) that is screaming the loudest. I think that is partially due to being behind on so many things and having so many messes to clean up. I work hard and long to get them cleaned up and after I make some real progress, I fail to put in the effort to keep them in good shape. I am tired and think I deserve a bit of a break. Things begin to retrogress and they end up in the same terrible shape as before. it is a vicious cycle that needs to break but I haven't gotten the grit and resolve to keep working to maintain things in good shape.
I think a few things that might help are to do a few little one-time things. Get some small victories to keep my motivation going. I then need to get a few things scheduled and work hard to keep those 'appointments' like exercising. if I can keep them I should do well. lastly, I need to control how much I eat. I have done pretty good over the past few days until yesterday when I ate a lot of junk during the BYU-SDSU game.
One more thing. I need to keep my commitments to Elizabeth about what I have volunteered to take care of around the house. One of those things is the laundry. I would wash it if she would fold it and put it away. I have done lousy.
I have a lot to do but I think I can do it if I knuckle down, get to it and stick with it.

Change I Can Believe In -- Part 2

Leadership is a tricky business, especially when you are not formally a leader. I have nightmares and daytime fears of trying to encourage people to go a certain direction and having them reply in a rebellious tone. "No, you're not my boss!" I want to demonstrate good behavior which I am fairly good at, but I also want to encourage others to follow good behavior, most particularly when they are not behaving good. I also see different approaches with it. I would not expect similar results between my co-workers and my kids if encouraged in a like manner. My oldest is eight and the pandemonium reigns anytime much leeway is given with regards to them doing their tasks. Likewise, directly enforcing them to complete homework, chores etc. by babysitting them as they do it has been one of the only successful ways to get it done. The most successful way has been to do our tasks together as a family. We would all get together and start at one end of the house and work, everyone doing everything, till the whole house is done. We did this very well and even had it down to where we could clean the whole house, top to bottom in a little more than an hour. I was impressed. However, my schedule does not always allow me to participate, nor do others so it has been really tough keeping it going.
The best option is common to everyone, my kids and coworkers and that is the Oz Principle. It is the subject of several books and it has roots in the gospel. It has a couple of different facets to it and I want to describe them here. First, the concept that in the context of your organization, all the work is everyone's work. Some may have specific assignments that naturally lead them to do specific tasks. In fact most people are hired for those reasons. However, There is nothing that says a billionaire CEO who has time on his hands can't clean his own executive washroom and take out the trash when the custodian is running behind or on vacation. The idea is that if we all pitch in and work as one cohesive unit, with all of us believing that we all working together, can accomplish anything, we succeed.
The first phrase which leads to this is See it, Own it, Solve it, Do it. This works on an individual level as well as the group. It also doesn't work on an individual level as well as a cohesive group. Allow me to explain.
Seeing it is merely the recognizing of the task or tasks at hand. A person or group must be aware of their work and the scope of it. They need to know what it entails and properly prepare and train for it.
Own it is the principle that the individuals in the group each take individual responsibility for the task. I like to describe it as making the task personal. It is no longer distanced by it being a "work' task. Succeeding at this task involves your whole soul and character. You approach it and work at it as you would a final exam in school or a sculptor does a project. That work will be a reflection of you, your work, your commitment and your contribution to the good of the whole. The collective persona of the group must also have just as much of an ownership response to the task and must acknowledge that the "we" factor on the task is vital. If only part of the group is bought in to the plan but the others are looking for the balance of the group to carry them through, they hold back and the result is not as good. It then reflects less successfully and falls from amazing to ordinary.
Solve it is the principal of the plan. It is what takes the energy of the group through to conquering the problem. It is the spiritual creation or execution of the task. This is wholly necessary as just plowing into a task without a plan is like a tornado. Everyone is going based on their own perception. Solve it. turns everyone to go the same direction so that all efforts have efficacy and actually lead to the success. Without it many people, well intentioned actually end up working in conflict, nullifying much of their efforts and frustrating them.
Do it. This is the principle of executing the task for real and is a culmination of the other three. This is where flaws in the plan may manifest themselves and scream for resolution. Commitment to success is vital here because problems will occur and should not derail the plan. If the people are good, committed and the plan is good, then the outcome should be good. This is the principle of stick with it so long as it remains good, making adjustments here and there.

The whole must be bought in to it. For and individual to only be partially bought in, their success or failure is a result of that commitment. Going in half hearted will result in half-baked. Any definite success will be the result of pure luck or disproportionate and unfair intervention by another. The group must be likewise or the same thing will happen.

I must be fully committed to what I do or I won't succeed. The ashes of failed attempts at things in my life lie all around me and I am certain that it has been because I was not fully committed to See it, Own it, Solve it and Do it.

The other aspect I will cover next time. This is called the results pyramid and is largely how different events of the above relate to each other. Experiences lead to beliefs which govern our actions which generate results. Part 3 to come.

Change I Can Believe In -- Part 1

On the face the title of this post might sound like a Barack Obama catch-phrase but it is in fact something entirely different. I do not like to dabble in the quotations of others, nor criticize the merits of the catch-phrases of the day. I like learning the meanings of new things but not to sound eloquent of speech. I like learning new things and using them because I like new things.
The change I want to talk about here is not a new thing. It is as older then the world itself and is epitomized in the fundamentals of existence. Hence, it is a change I can believe in because it is not just a change that throws a superficial coat of paint on the same old ugly face. It is a change exhibited in the actions of a chisel on that ugly face to make a real lasting change, one that is not easily reversed and one that, if applied correctly and with skill, makes what is ugly, beautiful.
I have long idolized the words of men like Stephen Covey and David A. Bednar, two of my heroes in the field of self improvement but I must say I have done very poorly at applying their advice in my own life. I hear what they have to say, and then look around at others and seem to say, "Did you hear that? See, now you know you need to do better." It is the same as someone who preaches to their fellow quorum members that they need to do better at their home teaching, but have a lackluster record at that themselves. I am one of those and I have long passed it off as being something I am not focused on right now. I find reasons to pass it off and think that I would not have made a difference anyway. I also do this at work where I work hard and follow all of the rules but then get frustrated at why others aren't and then reason that because I perceive myself as performing so much better than the others that I would be the obvious choice when a search for a new Team Leader or Supervisor is sought out. Being the least of the sinners is not what Heavenly Father Looks for in his leaders. I have had this as my focus for a long time.
A related problem is that what improvements I do make have been as a result of a reaction to something and in response to the words, actions, or thoughts of others and not solely because it is the right thing to do.This problem is further exacerbated when those good actions done with the wrong motivation in mind is not seen by others and I find myself bitter that I have been ignored again. This has also been me for a long time and I have met the results as outlined.
The change that is needed is a simple one, and as I have already said, it is not a new one. many who read it will say one of several things like, "Well, I know that!" or even "I already do that!" Some do, many don't. I am not here to point fingers at who does or doesn't. I am here to describe what I believe it is and how I want to make the change in myself.
To preface the change, I need to explain that there are two different realms of change at work here. The outward kind that I described before as superficial, and an inward change that has real meaning and has lasting effects on our lives. The outward change is the visible part. It is when we start doing good things simply because we have come to know that old behaviors were not right and that new behaviors need to be adopted. The change outwardly is a good one but they are done with the wrong motive in mind. They are done because someone else indicated they need to be changed and not because we truly believed a change needed to be made for our own sakes. The sakes of others is a secondary result and is a good side effect, but should not be the focus.
The change I am talking about is that I am going to make a change of something in me so that I can be a better person for myself, my family, my friends and my God. I become more valuable to them by making this change and I am a better, more fulfilled person for it. In this change statement there is nothing about changing another person for our own benefit or even changing their perceptions. By focusing on changing ourselves simply to be a better person relative to our older selves and not relative to someone else, we centralize the focus in an isolated manner on ourselves. The changes in ourselves are noticed by others and they have an effect, usually a good one. But our motive should not be one that we do it to be noticed either. In this way we might even consider the motive selfish, but it is in a way that is better for our own good and not better for the good of others. The latter implies that if we did not make the change, others would suffer for it and so betterment of the whole depends solely on our becoming better.
Let me illustrate this with an example often used. Exercise. Those of you who know me know I am a big guy. My weight fluctuated between 330 and 350 pounds on a regular basis, a weight range which I have occupied for a long time. I recently purchase with the generous gift of others and some of my own resources a treadmill as it had previously been identified as my instrument of choice in exercise. A good motivation but it died fairly quickly. I had many other things to do and those other things took priority and were easier to start and do. They did not involve nearly as much sweating and did not involve any sacrifice in one of my favorite pastimes -- eating. I love food.
If I exercise solely with the motive of making myself healthier (better) I would feel physically better, I would sleep better, I could work better, faster, and improve in so many different facets of my life. I could be a better father to my children and a better husband to my wife. See how none of these effects or results are directed to changing others to make them better? The focus is on me and me working on making me better for my own sake. The others are all secondary and are wonderful to behold.

---More later.

The Oncoming Winter

I have thoroughly enjoyed the past summer in may ways. I got to grow my first successful garden. I have had two main attempts in the past, one of which I abandoned when I moved to Utah from Oregon, the other of which was a more lazy, half-hearted attempt that resulted solely in tomatoes with blossom-end rot. This year, however, I turned my backayrd upside down and grew what is likely to be a record yield of tomatoes per plant in my memory of gardens, even those growing up. I also planted one pepper which spent most of its existence under the canopy of the broad leaves of the nearby pumpkin plant which grew like the monster pumpkin plant from Oblivion. It took over half of the backyard and I now have about fifteen full sized pumpkins, six of which are harvested and the remainder are not far behind. I got my front yard looking very good and I fully intend to take it up a notch next year.
Winter, however is a different story. I have so much I want to do inside this box I call a house. It has so much that needs to be done. The things that are most obvious are also the ones that cost money. So a list has started but I need to focus more on the day to day, starting with myself. Well see how that goes.

My Summer so Far

My summer has been a lot of work so far. A lot of unnecessary work. However a few unexpected benefits grew out of them.
First problem was a tiny drip from a sprinkler valve added up overnight to flood Samuel's room in the basement, most of my office and part of the hall and Elizabeth's office. After cleaning up and moving most of the stuff ourselves, we had Utah Disaster Kleenup come and help us finish and with their equipment got everything dried out. We then cashed out on the repairs and I was able to replace the pad for the carpets myself.
We then discussed what to do with the rest. After looking at several options we decided we could replace the carpet in my office instead of laying new pad. We found a good style of vinyl tile and I commenced laying it. After two days and one of them being about fifteen hours on a Saturday, we got it all laid. Knowing the office wasn't perfectly square, I laid it on an angle that though it was not perfectly 45 degrees, was sufficient to look very good.
We also determined that we had enough to lay laminate flooring in our living room and hall upstairs. However, not having enough room to store the furniture out of the rooms we had to move it all to one side and replace a section at a time, three sections at a time. As of this writing, I have complete the first two sections and cleared most of the floor and the hall for the third section. There is still much to do and as soon as it is finished, I don't plan on doing any more projects till it is done. When it is done, I have a lot of maintenance things to get caught up on.
I haven't done anything on the floor for a couple of days but need to finish. The hallway is not so daunting as it would seem but it is a lot of work for such small floor space. It just won't seem like I am getting very far very fast till it gets done.

Fathers

I know a lot of people. At least I know more than what I thought I knew. Many of those people I am familiar with their fathers or I am aware of the relationships they had or didn't have with their fathers. Some are shining examples of what fathers should be. Others fall into the "less effective" categories of fathers. I consider myself somewhere in the middle.
In doing family history, I have also come across many examples along the same spectrum of fathers that all had histories that either commend them or condemn them. However, the overwhelming pattern that rose to the surface is the attitudes, commitments, and general well-being of the father was reflected in the family. Strong, protective, supportive father, begat a strong family. This is not to say the mother had no effect, but what I have seen is that the mothers influence seemed to be more individualistic. As their relationships grew close with their mothers, they were more secure, confident individuals. As many children related with their fathers in more of the "group" family sphere, there effects were more obviously seen in the group.
I would share some examples in my own life either as a father or as a son but I feel it would not reflect accurately on the picture as a whole. I will say this, the saying,"Like father, like son," has endured over time for a reason. Much of a daughters character is seen in her father and rarely do they become exact copies of their mothers in miniature. I look at my daughters in this light and they all tend to exude the same cornballish, humorous personality that their father has than the more passive -- mature personality of their mother. This is especially evident in my second daughter Bethany who has not only a tender heart (from her mother) but a wry sense of humor that quite often gets her into more trouble and more laughs than the others.
I wonder how life would be different if I had a different father. I wonder if my own personality would be different. I even wonder how life would have been different if I had no father. Heaven knows that had been a possibility a number of times with the various industrial accidents that have been near fatal in my fathers life. Heavy industry s aptly named and when it involves steel which standard measures is in tons, it is no surprise people die while working there.
As for myself, I am quite certain that if I suddenly checked out, either by accident, heart attack, or otherwise, my kids would be affected for life. My wife might easily go insane, and my family's whole world would be shaken, even at its very foundations. I don't plan on going anywhere but life doesn't always go as planned. Sometimes, God has very different ideas for our future than we do. I am assured that His plans, are calculated to give us the best chance at returning to Him, and our Heavenly Mother, with everyone who will, living and the dead. After all isn't every father's greatest hope that their children will return to them someday as equals in their sight, knowing what they know , doing as they do, and becoming what they themselves are?

Church History Library

I attended the Church History Library dedication today with my Dad. We arrived an hour before it started and proceeded to sit on some moderately hard chairs, just watching everybody. The dedication addresses were good but they did seem to be about what was expected. I did enjoy President Thomas S. Monson's talk greatly though. After President Hinckley, it has been hard for a new person at the helm to grow on me, but he is. He is growing on me.
I have been fascinated with the Church history Library as a whole and have for a while, coveted the idea working there. I could say that my relationship with Heidie Davis whom, I had in the past butted heads with has been successfully repaired largely due to her own efforts. In a way, I miss her at the vault but I don't believe she misses it. If she ever returned, I don't know she would be happy. Pauline and I have enjoyed each other and I think she is someone I could really work for and enjoy. I know little about conservation and so I am uncertain I could get far with Chris McAfee. I really think I could be happy there.
I would love to peruse the Church History Library and plan on making use of it. I would love so much to spend more time there but my distance out at the vault makes that hard. I want to grow in the church corporate sphere but I am uncertain where that would get me. Maybe someday i will be fortunate enough to serve in a different capacity that pays better. We'll see.

A lot of work to do and a lot of nowhere to go with it

I have been really moody of late. Over the past six months or so I have been treading water switching from one project to another trying to get something done. Aside from doing Family History research, I also am wrapped up in writing about 6 different books, mostly novels and trying my darnedest to get one of them done. There is so much to do at home that much of my time is focused there and the above two things seem to spend a lifetime on the back burner before they are done. I know I am a good historian and I am a pretty good writer. One thing I am not very good at is shifting gears from one project to another.

I have taken to doing my own Family History work during lunchtimes at work. This has largely been a success but the difficulty lies with the fact that I only have a 1/2 hour lunch. By the time I am really getting into a groove, it is time to pack up and get back to the work they paid me for. On Sundays I am scanning pictures of my own and family. Last night I scanned over 150 but I haven't cataloged any of them yet. I have thousands yet to do as well as finding my negative scanner tray and scanning the film negatives I have. I am sure it is somewhere in my office. During the week, i try to keep up with everything else, House, Cars, garden, yard at large, as well as pitching and doing my share of taking care of the kids like fixing meals, doing laundry, helping with homework (not for 3 more months now, Yay!) and addressing the specific needs of my kids. Now I know why guys go gray and bald so fast.

Some might advise me to give up on one thing or another to lighten the load. However with each thing I find a necessary link. My book writing is my creative outlet. Far less expensive and less messy than painting, it is also something that may make me famous and maybe rich someday. Whee!!!! Family History for others is intended to supply me with supplemental income. Personal Family History is because of two reasons. We are commanded to and gosh darn it, I love to do it. The house, yard, cars, etc just comes with the life of a homeowner who needs to drive to get anywhere.

Hopefully I can wrap up some of the smaller components of each and feel less crowded. Fortitude I need but I need time more.

My Children

I sometimes wonder what God muses about in his "spare time" when His thoughts drift to His children. I daydream often about my children especially at work which quite often pulls me off my game. Despite this I would say it is time well spent and I think that God would think so too.

Samuel, my oldest just turned eight years old a month ago tomorrow. Those familiar with the LDS faith know that baptism in our church does not happen till age 8. Before then they are saved by grace and baptism is not required of them. They go to heaven where they become heirs to all of the blessings of God there. I take comfort in this considering I have three siblings who all died as infants and while there would be many who would say they are in hell because they were not baptized, I look at each of my children from Samuel down to my 3 week old son John and wonder how a loving merciful God could consign such beings to Hell? I do not believe He does and I take comfort in it.

Rachel my oldest daughter is always quite bubbly and light-hearted. She loves so much and is always willing to share the tiniest bit of information like it is the best thing ever. She is best friends with her sisters and together they get into all kinds of trouble. Alone, she is learning a lot and I really see a brilliant light in her eyes, a light that will not easily be extinguished.

Bethany, Rachel's usual partner in crime is a bundle of sunshine herself. She is starting to get a taste of some of the struggles he will face in life but her happiness will always rise to the top when she lets her concerns go and lives in the moment, for today and places her worries behind her. She is a unique spirit and the one that I think I identify with the most of my children.

Adrianne is one of the smartest most wry little firecrackers I have seen. She has a bit of Fred and George Weasly in her and I am seeing more and more of it all of the time. She hasn't figured out the safety doorknob cover on her bedroom door yet and she is potty training. A potentially hazardous situation but one which I am sure will present new challenges when she figures out that doorknob. For now she just lays down by the door and cries dolefully under the crack in the door till my heart melts enough to go and get her.

Megan is still in that transition phase between baby and toddler. She has Adrianne as her mentor to look up to and learn all kinds of little shenanigans. She is loving to the core and seems more inclined to hug you than tweak your nose. She used to hate being out to bed by me but we have worked out a little routine and she lays right down for me now so I can place a blanket on her. She looks like she is trying to be a good girl but more often than not she is the one I lock cabinets, doors and the refrigerator door for. A darling little troublemaker.

John my newest has reminded me so much of what it was to be the father of a new child for the first time all over again. With him I have gone full circle and again we are raising a baby boy with dark hair and big blue eyes. He like his brother before him has already made his first visit to the hospital and like Samuel had to have a spinal tap done to check for meningitis. The difference is that I am home alone with the other five kids and my darling wife and my beautiful baby boy are alone in the hospital again. I cannot be there to comfort either of them nor hold either of them in a way that I would like to. My arms feel empty now and long to hold my son again. I certainly hope his residency there tonight and tomorrow is not the beginning of a downward slope of problems that will give new meaning to the words "My arms feel empty" Despite my feeling and knowledge that he would go home to his Father in Heaven should he depart this life early, I am selfish that I want my children to all grow up, marry and have families of their own. I am meant to die before my children and ideally with my wife on the same night in our sleep well into our latest years. I keep thinking that I could not die right now, I am too busy doing good things. Each day as I see them approach me, I am reminded what those good thing are.
I am proud to be a father, a parent, a husband, and a child of Him who sent me here. I could never thank Him enough for what he has given me.

Portland, Oregon and vicinity

Many in my life know that my brother is getting married this weekend and that we are in Portland for the weekend. It has been 7 1/2 years since I was last in Portland and though I was intrigued to see a lot of the old familiar sights again, I definitely noticed a difference between Portland and Salt Lake City. So much of the infrastructure in Portland seems aged and though not wearing out, not likely to withstand a decent sized earthquake. I was on I-5 at a point called the Terwilliger Curves when I passed under an overpass. The support posts looked like they would snap just under a normal load not to mention an earthquake.

The second impression I got was how all of the cement work looked dingy and dirty. Having lived here, I am aware that a good chunk of that is just moss but even where I saw moss around it on the cement looked dirty. It is certainly not a lack of care but it just makes me appreciate what I see in Salt Lake City that though dry, the surfaces look much cleaner. Salt lake still has a way to go but it is looking nicer all the time. Portland just looks like it is in decline.

We Plan on going to the beach while we are here but the forecast seems to be rainy with a chance of more rain on top of periodic bursts of rain. Also depending on where we are it might rain. Keeping this in mind, we might be looking at the possibility of driving to Newport to look at the aquarium as part of the beach trip.

We have also decided against going south to return home and decided to return home through Idaho. If we had more time planned we might have still gone. However, my trust in the van to get us through the sparsely populated areas of California without breaking down was waning. Though it is still running fairly good I can hear some of the old quirky things coming back again and the ball joint situation seems to be getting worse. New ball joints just weeks ago and they already seem to have gone bad.

I have taken some pics as well as some at the Temple. Watch for them on Facebook and I will see you all later.

Getting things done

I am a "to do list" kind of person. I look for different way of keeping the thousands of things I need to do organized in such a way that I can take care of the most critical things first. Somethings like, "Break down the broken dresser and take out to garbage" are one time deals and feel good crossing off my to do list. Others, such as paying bills and the like, make me feel like I am running in a hamster wheel. I see it coming up and I wonder to myself, "Ugh! Didn't I just DO that?" Unfortunately most of my list is of the hamster wheel type.

It also seems like my list can be divided into different categories of work. Home business, Outside yard, outside car, home repair, housecleaning, work related, volunteer, dad stuff, husband stuff, etc and each of those have their own priorities. Even those are further subdivided into things, the kids can do, kids do with help, Elizabeth can do, stuff we have to do together, stuff only I can (or am willing) to do. After a bit of thinking about it, it starts to blur until it is difficult to know where to begin and of all of the beginnings, which one is screaming loudest.

Most unusually, that is when I am in my element. I am a multitasker by nature and as a multitasker, unless I am using a good portion of my capacity, I bore with things quite easily. For example, as I type this I am ripping music from my CD collection for a trip next week, monitoring the washing and drying of laundry and will be after this post is done, straightening up my office some.

May not sound like a lot right off, but I am often doing or monitoring several things at once and at times I can get a lot accomplished in a short space of time. Yay me.

Every once in a while I look at the things I need to do and sometimes wish I could take some time off and just get everything caught up. Everything done that is waiting to be done. I have ahd projects, even some little tasks that have been on the back burner for years but still have not been done. Priorities change, tasks change, even roles change and many of the things that had been working their way to the top of the list get buried again by a pile of new stuff.

I would like to find a good way if doing it without spending so much time managing it. At times I spend two hours planning, organizing, and preparing two hours worth of work. Sometimes it is easier to forgo all of the formal stuff and just plow right in. Of course I have been burned by that and two hours of work became ten hours due to problems, setbacks and even sidetracks that would have been prevented with proper planning. Imagine that! a catch 22 working its way in. Whee!

Still despite these problems, I still get satisfaction from wrapping up a big project or getting caught up on something I should be doing all along. For instance, I have washed a lot of laundry today and I still have a couple of loads to go before calling it a night. In the meantime, I would love to get more stuff done so pardon me while I check "new blog post" off on my to do list and get on to something else.

Weight Loss Update

I weighted in this week and I am down to 345 lbs. which is down 5 lbs. from last week. I have jogged three times since I began for a total of 4.3 miles and over 500 calories. Not a lot but a good start. I plan on continuing to jog daily except Sunday and I have accumulated a decent size of music I use for exercise. "Final Countdown" "Danger Zone" among others. Quite Motivating. It works really well in High pressure production situations at work. I just hope I can keep it up. Root for me!