On the face the title of this post might sound like a Barack Obama catch-phrase but it is in fact something entirely different. I do not like to dabble in the quotations of others, nor criticize the merits of the catch-phrases of the day. I like learning the meanings of new things but not to sound eloquent of speech. I like learning new things and using them because I like new things.
The change I want to talk about here is not a new thing. It is as older then the world itself and is epitomized in the fundamentals of existence. Hence, it is a change I can believe in because it is not just a change that throws a superficial coat of paint on the same old ugly face. It is a change exhibited in the actions of a chisel on that ugly face to make a real lasting change, one that is not easily reversed and one that, if applied correctly and with skill, makes what is ugly, beautiful.
I have long idolized the words of men like Stephen Covey and David A. Bednar, two of my heroes in the field of self improvement but I must say I have done very poorly at applying their advice in my own life. I hear what they have to say, and then look around at others and seem to say, "Did you hear that? See, now you know you need to do better." It is the same as someone who preaches to their fellow quorum members that they need to do better at their home teaching, but have a lackluster record at that themselves. I am one of those and I have long passed it off as being something I am not focused on right now. I find reasons to pass it off and think that I would not have made a difference anyway. I also do this at work where I work hard and follow all of the rules but then get frustrated at why others aren't and then reason that because I perceive myself as performing so much better than the others that I would be the obvious choice when a search for a new Team Leader or Supervisor is sought out. Being the least of the sinners is not what Heavenly Father Looks for in his leaders. I have had this as my focus for a long time.
A related problem is that what improvements I do make have been as a result of a reaction to something and in response to the words, actions, or thoughts of others and not solely because it is the right thing to do.This problem is further exacerbated when those good actions done with the wrong motivation in mind is not seen by others and I find myself bitter that I have been ignored again. This has also been me for a long time and I have met the results as outlined.
The change that is needed is a simple one, and as I have already said, it is not a new one. many who read it will say one of several things like, "Well, I know that!" or even "I already do that!" Some do, many don't. I am not here to point fingers at who does or doesn't. I am here to describe what I believe it is and how I want to make the change in myself.
To preface the change, I need to explain that there are two different realms of change at work here. The outward kind that I described before as superficial, and an inward change that has real meaning and has lasting effects on our lives. The outward change is the visible part. It is when we start doing good things simply because we have come to know that old behaviors were not right and that new behaviors need to be adopted. The change outwardly is a good one but they are done with the wrong motive in mind. They are done because someone else indicated they need to be changed and not because we truly believed a change needed to be made for our own sakes. The sakes of others is a secondary result and is a good side effect, but should not be the focus.
The change I am talking about is that I am going to make a change of something in me so that I can be a better person for myself, my family, my friends and my God. I become more valuable to them by making this change and I am a better, more fulfilled person for it. In this change statement there is nothing about changing another person for our own benefit or even changing their perceptions. By focusing on changing ourselves simply to be a better person relative to our older selves and not relative to someone else, we centralize the focus in an isolated manner on ourselves. The changes in ourselves are noticed by others and they have an effect, usually a good one. But our motive should not be one that we do it to be noticed either. In this way we might even consider the motive selfish, but it is in a way that is better for our own good and not better for the good of others. The latter implies that if we did not make the change, others would suffer for it and so betterment of the whole depends solely on our becoming better.
Let me illustrate this with an example often used. Exercise. Those of you who know me know I am a big guy. My weight fluctuated between 330 and 350 pounds on a regular basis, a weight range which I have occupied for a long time. I recently purchase with the generous gift of others and some of my own resources a treadmill as it had previously been identified as my instrument of choice in exercise. A good motivation but it died fairly quickly. I had many other things to do and those other things took priority and were easier to start and do. They did not involve nearly as much sweating and did not involve any sacrifice in one of my favorite pastimes -- eating. I love food.
If I exercise solely with the motive of making myself healthier (better) I would feel physically better, I would sleep better, I could work better, faster, and improve in so many different facets of my life. I could be a better father to my children and a better husband to my wife. See how none of these effects or results are directed to changing others to make them better? The focus is on me and me working on making me better for my own sake. The others are all secondary and are wonderful to behold.
---More later.
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