Fathers

I know a lot of people. At least I know more than what I thought I knew. Many of those people I am familiar with their fathers or I am aware of the relationships they had or didn't have with their fathers. Some are shining examples of what fathers should be. Others fall into the "less effective" categories of fathers. I consider myself somewhere in the middle.
In doing family history, I have also come across many examples along the same spectrum of fathers that all had histories that either commend them or condemn them. However, the overwhelming pattern that rose to the surface is the attitudes, commitments, and general well-being of the father was reflected in the family. Strong, protective, supportive father, begat a strong family. This is not to say the mother had no effect, but what I have seen is that the mothers influence seemed to be more individualistic. As their relationships grew close with their mothers, they were more secure, confident individuals. As many children related with their fathers in more of the "group" family sphere, there effects were more obviously seen in the group.
I would share some examples in my own life either as a father or as a son but I feel it would not reflect accurately on the picture as a whole. I will say this, the saying,"Like father, like son," has endured over time for a reason. Much of a daughters character is seen in her father and rarely do they become exact copies of their mothers in miniature. I look at my daughters in this light and they all tend to exude the same cornballish, humorous personality that their father has than the more passive -- mature personality of their mother. This is especially evident in my second daughter Bethany who has not only a tender heart (from her mother) but a wry sense of humor that quite often gets her into more trouble and more laughs than the others.
I wonder how life would be different if I had a different father. I wonder if my own personality would be different. I even wonder how life would have been different if I had no father. Heaven knows that had been a possibility a number of times with the various industrial accidents that have been near fatal in my fathers life. Heavy industry s aptly named and when it involves steel which standard measures is in tons, it is no surprise people die while working there.
As for myself, I am quite certain that if I suddenly checked out, either by accident, heart attack, or otherwise, my kids would be affected for life. My wife might easily go insane, and my family's whole world would be shaken, even at its very foundations. I don't plan on going anywhere but life doesn't always go as planned. Sometimes, God has very different ideas for our future than we do. I am assured that His plans, are calculated to give us the best chance at returning to Him, and our Heavenly Mother, with everyone who will, living and the dead. After all isn't every father's greatest hope that their children will return to them someday as equals in their sight, knowing what they know , doing as they do, and becoming what they themselves are?

Church History Library

I attended the Church History Library dedication today with my Dad. We arrived an hour before it started and proceeded to sit on some moderately hard chairs, just watching everybody. The dedication addresses were good but they did seem to be about what was expected. I did enjoy President Thomas S. Monson's talk greatly though. After President Hinckley, it has been hard for a new person at the helm to grow on me, but he is. He is growing on me.
I have been fascinated with the Church history Library as a whole and have for a while, coveted the idea working there. I could say that my relationship with Heidie Davis whom, I had in the past butted heads with has been successfully repaired largely due to her own efforts. In a way, I miss her at the vault but I don't believe she misses it. If she ever returned, I don't know she would be happy. Pauline and I have enjoyed each other and I think she is someone I could really work for and enjoy. I know little about conservation and so I am uncertain I could get far with Chris McAfee. I really think I could be happy there.
I would love to peruse the Church History Library and plan on making use of it. I would love so much to spend more time there but my distance out at the vault makes that hard. I want to grow in the church corporate sphere but I am uncertain where that would get me. Maybe someday i will be fortunate enough to serve in a different capacity that pays better. We'll see.

A lot of work to do and a lot of nowhere to go with it

I have been really moody of late. Over the past six months or so I have been treading water switching from one project to another trying to get something done. Aside from doing Family History research, I also am wrapped up in writing about 6 different books, mostly novels and trying my darnedest to get one of them done. There is so much to do at home that much of my time is focused there and the above two things seem to spend a lifetime on the back burner before they are done. I know I am a good historian and I am a pretty good writer. One thing I am not very good at is shifting gears from one project to another.

I have taken to doing my own Family History work during lunchtimes at work. This has largely been a success but the difficulty lies with the fact that I only have a 1/2 hour lunch. By the time I am really getting into a groove, it is time to pack up and get back to the work they paid me for. On Sundays I am scanning pictures of my own and family. Last night I scanned over 150 but I haven't cataloged any of them yet. I have thousands yet to do as well as finding my negative scanner tray and scanning the film negatives I have. I am sure it is somewhere in my office. During the week, i try to keep up with everything else, House, Cars, garden, yard at large, as well as pitching and doing my share of taking care of the kids like fixing meals, doing laundry, helping with homework (not for 3 more months now, Yay!) and addressing the specific needs of my kids. Now I know why guys go gray and bald so fast.

Some might advise me to give up on one thing or another to lighten the load. However with each thing I find a necessary link. My book writing is my creative outlet. Far less expensive and less messy than painting, it is also something that may make me famous and maybe rich someday. Whee!!!! Family History for others is intended to supply me with supplemental income. Personal Family History is because of two reasons. We are commanded to and gosh darn it, I love to do it. The house, yard, cars, etc just comes with the life of a homeowner who needs to drive to get anywhere.

Hopefully I can wrap up some of the smaller components of each and feel less crowded. Fortitude I need but I need time more.

My Children

I sometimes wonder what God muses about in his "spare time" when His thoughts drift to His children. I daydream often about my children especially at work which quite often pulls me off my game. Despite this I would say it is time well spent and I think that God would think so too.

Samuel, my oldest just turned eight years old a month ago tomorrow. Those familiar with the LDS faith know that baptism in our church does not happen till age 8. Before then they are saved by grace and baptism is not required of them. They go to heaven where they become heirs to all of the blessings of God there. I take comfort in this considering I have three siblings who all died as infants and while there would be many who would say they are in hell because they were not baptized, I look at each of my children from Samuel down to my 3 week old son John and wonder how a loving merciful God could consign such beings to Hell? I do not believe He does and I take comfort in it.

Rachel my oldest daughter is always quite bubbly and light-hearted. She loves so much and is always willing to share the tiniest bit of information like it is the best thing ever. She is best friends with her sisters and together they get into all kinds of trouble. Alone, she is learning a lot and I really see a brilliant light in her eyes, a light that will not easily be extinguished.

Bethany, Rachel's usual partner in crime is a bundle of sunshine herself. She is starting to get a taste of some of the struggles he will face in life but her happiness will always rise to the top when she lets her concerns go and lives in the moment, for today and places her worries behind her. She is a unique spirit and the one that I think I identify with the most of my children.

Adrianne is one of the smartest most wry little firecrackers I have seen. She has a bit of Fred and George Weasly in her and I am seeing more and more of it all of the time. She hasn't figured out the safety doorknob cover on her bedroom door yet and she is potty training. A potentially hazardous situation but one which I am sure will present new challenges when she figures out that doorknob. For now she just lays down by the door and cries dolefully under the crack in the door till my heart melts enough to go and get her.

Megan is still in that transition phase between baby and toddler. She has Adrianne as her mentor to look up to and learn all kinds of little shenanigans. She is loving to the core and seems more inclined to hug you than tweak your nose. She used to hate being out to bed by me but we have worked out a little routine and she lays right down for me now so I can place a blanket on her. She looks like she is trying to be a good girl but more often than not she is the one I lock cabinets, doors and the refrigerator door for. A darling little troublemaker.

John my newest has reminded me so much of what it was to be the father of a new child for the first time all over again. With him I have gone full circle and again we are raising a baby boy with dark hair and big blue eyes. He like his brother before him has already made his first visit to the hospital and like Samuel had to have a spinal tap done to check for meningitis. The difference is that I am home alone with the other five kids and my darling wife and my beautiful baby boy are alone in the hospital again. I cannot be there to comfort either of them nor hold either of them in a way that I would like to. My arms feel empty now and long to hold my son again. I certainly hope his residency there tonight and tomorrow is not the beginning of a downward slope of problems that will give new meaning to the words "My arms feel empty" Despite my feeling and knowledge that he would go home to his Father in Heaven should he depart this life early, I am selfish that I want my children to all grow up, marry and have families of their own. I am meant to die before my children and ideally with my wife on the same night in our sleep well into our latest years. I keep thinking that I could not die right now, I am too busy doing good things. Each day as I see them approach me, I am reminded what those good thing are.
I am proud to be a father, a parent, a husband, and a child of Him who sent me here. I could never thank Him enough for what he has given me.

Portland, Oregon and vicinity

Many in my life know that my brother is getting married this weekend and that we are in Portland for the weekend. It has been 7 1/2 years since I was last in Portland and though I was intrigued to see a lot of the old familiar sights again, I definitely noticed a difference between Portland and Salt Lake City. So much of the infrastructure in Portland seems aged and though not wearing out, not likely to withstand a decent sized earthquake. I was on I-5 at a point called the Terwilliger Curves when I passed under an overpass. The support posts looked like they would snap just under a normal load not to mention an earthquake.

The second impression I got was how all of the cement work looked dingy and dirty. Having lived here, I am aware that a good chunk of that is just moss but even where I saw moss around it on the cement looked dirty. It is certainly not a lack of care but it just makes me appreciate what I see in Salt Lake City that though dry, the surfaces look much cleaner. Salt lake still has a way to go but it is looking nicer all the time. Portland just looks like it is in decline.

We Plan on going to the beach while we are here but the forecast seems to be rainy with a chance of more rain on top of periodic bursts of rain. Also depending on where we are it might rain. Keeping this in mind, we might be looking at the possibility of driving to Newport to look at the aquarium as part of the beach trip.

We have also decided against going south to return home and decided to return home through Idaho. If we had more time planned we might have still gone. However, my trust in the van to get us through the sparsely populated areas of California without breaking down was waning. Though it is still running fairly good I can hear some of the old quirky things coming back again and the ball joint situation seems to be getting worse. New ball joints just weeks ago and they already seem to have gone bad.

I have taken some pics as well as some at the Temple. Watch for them on Facebook and I will see you all later.

Getting things done

I am a "to do list" kind of person. I look for different way of keeping the thousands of things I need to do organized in such a way that I can take care of the most critical things first. Somethings like, "Break down the broken dresser and take out to garbage" are one time deals and feel good crossing off my to do list. Others, such as paying bills and the like, make me feel like I am running in a hamster wheel. I see it coming up and I wonder to myself, "Ugh! Didn't I just DO that?" Unfortunately most of my list is of the hamster wheel type.

It also seems like my list can be divided into different categories of work. Home business, Outside yard, outside car, home repair, housecleaning, work related, volunteer, dad stuff, husband stuff, etc and each of those have their own priorities. Even those are further subdivided into things, the kids can do, kids do with help, Elizabeth can do, stuff we have to do together, stuff only I can (or am willing) to do. After a bit of thinking about it, it starts to blur until it is difficult to know where to begin and of all of the beginnings, which one is screaming loudest.

Most unusually, that is when I am in my element. I am a multitasker by nature and as a multitasker, unless I am using a good portion of my capacity, I bore with things quite easily. For example, as I type this I am ripping music from my CD collection for a trip next week, monitoring the washing and drying of laundry and will be after this post is done, straightening up my office some.

May not sound like a lot right off, but I am often doing or monitoring several things at once and at times I can get a lot accomplished in a short space of time. Yay me.

Every once in a while I look at the things I need to do and sometimes wish I could take some time off and just get everything caught up. Everything done that is waiting to be done. I have ahd projects, even some little tasks that have been on the back burner for years but still have not been done. Priorities change, tasks change, even roles change and many of the things that had been working their way to the top of the list get buried again by a pile of new stuff.

I would like to find a good way if doing it without spending so much time managing it. At times I spend two hours planning, organizing, and preparing two hours worth of work. Sometimes it is easier to forgo all of the formal stuff and just plow right in. Of course I have been burned by that and two hours of work became ten hours due to problems, setbacks and even sidetracks that would have been prevented with proper planning. Imagine that! a catch 22 working its way in. Whee!

Still despite these problems, I still get satisfaction from wrapping up a big project or getting caught up on something I should be doing all along. For instance, I have washed a lot of laundry today and I still have a couple of loads to go before calling it a night. In the meantime, I would love to get more stuff done so pardon me while I check "new blog post" off on my to do list and get on to something else.

Weight Loss Update

I weighted in this week and I am down to 345 lbs. which is down 5 lbs. from last week. I have jogged three times since I began for a total of 4.3 miles and over 500 calories. Not a lot but a good start. I plan on continuing to jog daily except Sunday and I have accumulated a decent size of music I use for exercise. "Final Countdown" "Danger Zone" among others. Quite Motivating. It works really well in High pressure production situations at work. I just hope I can keep it up. Root for me!